Saturday, 16 December 2006

Photo Album

4 years ago you smiled and stared,
Under the soft Christmas lights,
Snowflakes peppered those butterfly lashes,
Stroking my cheek as we danced,
Bathed in fairy glow.

3 years ago we held hands and sighed,
As amber dewdrops glistened and sunk,
Underneath the horizon of our lives,
Stretching out into a dark infinity.

2 years ago you posed, poised and pretty,
Your laughter echoed to the stars,
No one could bury what we had,
A colour photogarph from a true life fairytale,
Was ours to keep.

This year I cut and paste
Colourful facades on grey limbs
Silver days embedded into ruby weeks
And a golden year once more.

Friday, 15 December 2006

Baby Two

To make someone so happy,
With a love so deep and true,
A face lights up with a mentioned name,
She’s so in love with you.

We share a common interest,
In this girl we love so much,
But the happiness you give to her,
Achieved with just a touch.

Thank you for making such a difference,
And making her life a whole
You’re part of her as she is you,
Two halves of a shared soul.

Monday, 11 December 2006

Embryonic Love

You're swollen, tired, fit to burst,
You're upset and frustrated with this weight we create,
I wish I had apologised then,
But I had no lips
To speak with
And no knowledge
Outside your loving hold.
Safe and warm, now I've escaped,
I still feel this way,
Protected- inside and out,
Loved before I controlled you,
Wanted before I existed.

Find It Funny: In It For The Money

I scare people who have never seen me,
Just by walking, touching, moving.
Well; sort of.
Walking around unknown houses,
Touching precious things,
Moving in the places you thought you knew so well,

Oh yes, I'm going straight to hell.

But... not before I've had my fun,
And after I've left my mark, without a trace,
Of who I am, who I was.
They will talk; the phantom theif,
The stealing spectre. Headlined and Headhunted,
If you won't sell then- "I'll take it!"
Such a bargain, fetch a pretty price,
One man's treasure.. now it's mine.
Where are my manners?
I forgot to close the door behind me.

Cold Cereal and Dry Toast

Grey day misery,
Rain clouds frown,
Streelamp optimism;
It flickers and dies.
Monday mornings drag
On a limp cigarette,
A cup of cold coffee
And a starbucks fizz.
Bus wheels revolve,
Around this dank, dismal day,
Clock in, clock out,
Same old same new,
Borrowed time,
Overdraft theory,
As the day begins.... again.

Sunday, 10 December 2006

It's Tough To Win, But Even Tougher To Lose

I can't believe I lost sleep over your face,
Your lips, eyes, hair, hands...
Here I go again.
I dreamt you with me whilst awake;
Conciously unconcious,
Staring at the ceiling- you'd smile back down,
A tongue in my mouth,
A truth in one ear, a lie in the other,
Hands on my hips, mine, not yours,
Get up, get out. I'm sorry, too slow,
Hints and looks- why did you never catch on?
I laugh to think I cried
Over you over me,
Subtle stupidity, I only blush the once,
I now dream of another,
Apologies darling, you didn't jump high enough,
You could kill me with one look,
Not now though.
Closed Eyes. Closed Mind.

Closed Book.

Saturday, 9 December 2006

Little Girl Lost

Neon opportunites, broken pavement rules,
Takeaway ambitions, grimy bedsit love,
Scented competition, subway achievements,
The payroll timetable, waiting for promotions,
For days in the freezing cold,
Huddled on a metal bench,
Your routine has got so old.
Paper bag grades, recycled results,
Stomped puddle happiness,
Trudging to drudgery- seedy acceptance,
A feather boa drips from a suitcase,
Little Girl Lost has to learn her place.
Sequined rain pours and drenches the
Office block boredom in glitter. gold. garish. gaudy.
Flashbulb adoration, newsprint poison,
They love, they hate, they obsess, they forget.
A nicotine stained whisper, rumour,
A faded lipstick print on his collar;
Little Girl Lost.

Thursday, 30 November 2006

Wolf In Sheep's Clothing

I know, I know, I've been there, done that.
And that. And that.
Pulling the wool over your eyes,
Deserve an Oscar you say?
You never know, when I get out of here,
I. Will. Soar.
Try to help me then, no- you're doing it all wrong,
I'm hurting, trying to make you see,
Maybe I'm the one doing it wrong,
Help me please- is that right?
I'm new to this, I want to leave,
Hold me back, hold me up, hold me.
Embrace me and everything else,
Issues that need tissues- something more,
Than that. Pandora's box, it needs two to
Open and empty.
Break the lock, the seal, open me up,
Look inside; but it's not pretty.
Help me please.

Wednesday, 22 November 2006

Swallowing Scissors

Deeper, deeper, isn't this fun?
Cut 'til you bleed, echo what's inside,
Get help, talk about it,
Finding new ways to deal with the hurt.
Sorrow's come out to play,
Grip the handle, pain joins in.
It's all a game, a child's fantasy,
It doesn't matter at all.
The faster you run, the harder you fall,
At least I'm lucid, I know what I'm doing,
Better this than addling my brain.
Skip through the trees,
This life's just swings and roundabouts,
Sliding to the end,
Ask Death to be your friend.
I see no other way.

Saturday, 18 November 2006

Peer Pressure

can u read mi mnd?
stck ere on mi own
no1 2 tlk 2- no fair
2 l8 m8, iv given up on lyf,
dnt try 2 hlp me
s'not gona wrk, ur games rnt funi,
nemore cos dis sux and i wnt 2 b far away frm ere.
do u wnt 2 cum wiv me?
it'll b soooooo mch fun,
take ths blade, carv ur nme
we'll b fmous
plz pck up da fone,
whre r u?

Tuesday, 14 November 2006

Storm Before The Calm

How many times has this been said before?
I sit and count and wait for it to stop.
Moaning and graoning, rattle my windows,
Let the rain drown that problem,
I have with you?
No, not at all.
Off the rails- it''s not a new thing.
Nor is it big.
I'm drinking to forget about how much I drink.
Seeking love elsewhere, who knew you'd lie?
A friend, a lifeline, a handhold.
Keep my head above water as
The hurricance dies down.


A TV screen, blank and faceless,
A flickering bulb, swinging in a still air,
The only motion- a bath overflows.
Why don't you turn the taps my dear?
Or step in, plunge and immerse yourself,
Freezing, silky, dip your head.
A hand on the back of your neck,
Forces a struggle, calm down, it's only me,
Your sweetheart, your lover, but you're my hater.
I know what you did, slam the bathroom door.
Flailing arms, grasping fingers- no.
It's too late, they will match the prints,
But it doesn't matter, this cold steel will do the job.
First you, then me, a greying life-
a fused lighbulb, a bed of lies.
A lifetime not there.

Monday, 13 November 2006

The Boy

People often ask me what happened and I always answer in the same way.
I smile knowingly and tap my nose- but I will tell you.
You will understand.
I was small, so small my Mother was the universe,
She let me play outside- the sun was a golden colour, like cake.
The pond outside provided refreshment as I saw and sang and saw him.
He was playing with a boat- I recognised it,
It was my Grandaddy's, Mother kept it on a shelf
I shouted but he did not hear so I ran and we played.
His clothes were funny- I told him but he shrugged,
Taking my small grubby paw in his and offering me a flower.
I was pretty he said and it made me blush.
I looked for a place to put it and went to thank him but he had gone.
With the boat, that made me angry and I cried.
Mother asked me why and I stared at the boat,
I stopped crying. Mother never asked again but I knew who he was.

Dear Old Dark

Thank you for being here,
I'm only happy when you're near,
My life unwinds and stops before me,
Dark stalks in- a wonder is she.
Caress my face, open my eyes,
At night I can forget all the lies.
The light fades down but I'm not blind,
The beautiful truth in my midnight mind.
Imprisoned until that fateful hour,
It comes alive- that nightmare power,
Enveloping, choking, still I breathe,
His scythe cold and lazy in its sheath.
Come one, come all, celebrate this love,
Raise our arms in triumph as we rise above.
Rest that head, I watched as you bled,
Lie with me darling- there's only one in this bed.

Sunday, 12 November 2006


Do you not think that a person, plain in appearance can be capable of terrible crimes?
It's true, it's true.
I sit in the corner and stay as I always am:
Unappreciated and ignored- except by him.
I can't catch his eye or else I'll fall, my inhibitions
Lost. My breath Snatched. My pulse,
Running for the finish line.
Nevertheless he carries on looking but I am sure he blongs to another,
Much fairer than me, is she. A peacock with eyes
As false as my indifference towards him, a heart as balck as the sky behind my weary head.
I chance to look up and I see into his soul.
A gap that has to be filled and I know who by.
I've gone, I'm dizzy- he approches and the world dissolves.
If my only crime is to love then, Your Honour, I plead guilty.

Saturday, 11 November 2006

Poster Boy

If you knew me, you'd want me
Just as much as I imagine I want you.
You continue to stare-
Impassive, dark, brooding faces
Smouldering from the walls
Set my heart aflame.
As the smoke rises and curls,
I watch as my daydreams vanish
Empty thoughts, an empty room,
We both know,
At least I know
You will never care- a two dimensional love
I'm not the only one am I?
You lucky thing-
Who's a pretty boy then?

Long Dead Romance

Have you ever seen the Mona Lisa?
He stands and stares, he stares for hours.
She so beuatiful and he's transfixed.
His name is shouted, interrupting
The spell is broken but she continues
in his head, her smile, her eyes.
It must be love. At home he sits and dreams about her,
What must she be like?
H draws a heart on the sky, the sun shines on her name.
She smiles and the wind whispers, the same as always.
But he cannot stay long- the exhibition closes soon.


Mondays smell of lemons and Tuesays of grass,
Wednesdays are tough, but Thursdays shatter like glass,
Fridays are like chocolate- the're's never enough and it goes too quickly.
Saturdays are purple with a hint of black- the weekend's almost over.
Sundays are grey- nothing ever happens on a grey day.
last year was orange and the year before blue,
But I haven't decided on this one yet.


I never understood the phrase "When you're older, you'll understand."
Possibly because I wasn't old enough.
Mum always sadi it and my confusion spiralled
Up, up and away,
Blue chasing pink chasing yellow.
The world was soft, the rain that fell
Never dampened my spirits, only my hair.
Days dragged on and ran away to sulk,
Unhappy at being unappreciated,
Years skipped past and did the same,
Now I search for them behind the sofa,
In the attic, under my bed.
I can apologise now for the lack of attention, I never realised
How much I would miss them, you.
Everything's changed and frayed, old and decayed but there are new things too.
I'm older and different and now-

I understand.

Social Lives

Hah. That's a joke!
When do you expect me to muster the courage, the energy, the time?
So much pressure:
Boys, girls, teachers, parents
I don't envy you sometimes.
Don''t ask me to get up- I'm a teenager, remember?
No-one understands me- the same old song to a new tune.
Angsty and aggresive.
Do I intimidate you?
My fringe in my face- wipe off that makeup,
There are other colours you know.
Smile please- say cheese.
Have a night out, what a laugh.
How about no?
I'm trying, really I am.


Tantalising, seductive, dark rich stalking.
A black cloak on a black sky, visible and stark.
Silent feet leave no trace as trees...

Whisper his name. I'm supposed
To be terrified but my heart, red on black or
Is it black on red?
I cannot feel it, the colours merge as
The sky glitters and the ebony moon

From the stranger at my throat. Holds me,
Like a Lover, his touch cold and unfamiliar,
His painful kisses on my neck
Draw red on white or is it white on red?
As they run together, his and mine.
Faded shabby shroud, velvet and caring.
He has me now and forever.

Uncommon Misconception

You don't know, do you?
I mean, you try to understand but
I know it can't be easy. Can it?

Try looking at it from my point-
Broken, useless and unforgiving,
I am different, I know that
But I wish everyday it wasn't so.

I can't help but dwell on it,
I'm allowed to feel sorry as I
Sit alone, unable to share or do the same,
It's hard for me to stay happy.
I feel sorry for my face- it can't be what it wants- what you want.

And yet... there's still so much more
I can try, discover.
Parts may be faulty but that doesn't mean the finished product is damaged.
Does it?

Mirrors and Disco Balls: Pandemonium

There's no need to explain,
I won't listen anyway.
As I've grown, I've grown to realise
I'm taller in more ways.
Teenage kicks, student fun
Have it your way cos I know where I'm better off.
I've pulled the knife from my back- the blood stays
On your hands, not mine.
I can't see my reflection in this mirror,
No matter how hard I try,
This circus will keep on moving
Keep on shouting, Ringmaster
But I've lost my respect,
Carry on playing, I hope you have a good time.
I will watch you decay.
Forgive me i f I laugh.

13th Hour

The clock strikes and the trees dance,
The shadows prowl and the curtains prance
You're all alone little one,
They're all out, having fun.
But the game's too fast. You know,
The happiness won't last.
Night gallops past your door,
Obsidian hooves scorch the floor,
Wrench the curtains back,
The hour pours in, fade to black.